A rash reaction will do little to change your spouse's mind. The best thing to do is to stay calm and not push your spouse any further away. That means not begging or begging that you will do anything to keep the marriage together. Don't stalk or threaten to keep children away from your spouse.
Don't talk badly about your friends, family, or especially your children. And most of all, don't do things out of spite, such as spending a lot of money or having an affair. As Kelly learned the hard way, an affair will only cause more harm and give you exactly what you don't want, even if you seem “smart” at the time. Give yourself permission to feel and function at a less than optimal level for a period of time. You may not be able to be as productive at work or caring for others the way you're used to for a while.
No one is a superman or a superwoman; take time to heal, regroup and revitalize yourself. Take care of yourself emotionally and physically. Be good to yourself and your body. Take time to exercise, eat well, and relax. Maintain your normal routines as much as possible.
Try to avoid making important decisions or making changes to life plans. Don't use alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes as a way to cope; they just cause more problems. You basically have two options: try to reconcile with your spouse or accept the situation and prepare yourself to move on with your life. To try to save your marriage, the first step would be to talk to your spouse to discover the real reasons behind your feelings and the breakup of the relationship (if you didn't already know), before deciding which path to choose. The first thing we have in hand is to control your emotions.
Discussions about divorce can be emotionally charged, so staying calm is key. This helps you think clearly and make rational decisions rather than reactive ones. Take some time to get to a place where you feel stable before continuing. From communication strategies to counseling options, these ideas aim to help you initiate healing and possibly change the course of your marriage.
Giving space to each other can lead to thinking more clearly and having renewed perspectives, which can be beneficial when they get back together to decide the future of their relationship or, if necessary, how to accept a divorce they don't want. Effective communication is crucial, especially when expressing feelings such as “I don't want a divorce. After a separation or divorce, therapy or counseling can play a critical role in the healing process. An unwanted divorce alters more than your legal status; it shakes the very foundation of your identity and purpose.
The book The Good Divorce (1999) by psychologist Constance Ahrons is a classic guide for parents who want to divorce in the most appropriate way protective for your children. While litigation is necessary, in a small number of cases, most people can make effective use of mediation, “collaborative divorce” or “cooperative bargaining” models. The emotional storm of an unwanted divorce can leave you feeling like a shipwrecked person on the shores of despair. Even if you hope to avoid divorce, understanding your legal rights can help you make informed decisions and negotiate from a position of strength.
Mueller suggests a healing separation, which is working to build a different relationship, since most people don't really want to divorce the person but rather the relationship as it is. Not everyone recovering from a divorce will be interested or ready to think about future love, so take your time and, if necessary, return to the previous step only once you're ready. Letting go, when it's not something you want, is probably the hardest part of any divorce, but, when you wonder if trying to stay married to someone who no longer wants to be married to you is more difficult than moving on and living alone, the answer can be much clearer. Couples therapy is particularly beneficial if you're having difficulty dealing with a divorce when you don't want to. Recovering from such a violation can be difficult, and for some, divorce may seem like the only option to overcome the pain. Gratitude can rekindle warmth and affection, making it easier to accept a divorce when you don't want it, by maintaining a positive relationship regardless of the outcome.
It is the foundation on which we build the resilience and strength needed to navigate the troubled waters of this unwanted divorce.
